Restoration is the actual step of reconciling or renewing your marriage. If you have wisely worked your way through the other steps to marriage separation reconciliation (repentance, restructuring, and reporting) then restoration should be a breeze since you have actually already begun a new relationship with your spouse in whom you have better communication, more honesty, and a desire to please.

Just remember that communication is always the key element. Make sure you are both ready for this next step and take it in stride. Do not try to move too slow or too fast, but let things flow naturally. The two of you should sit down and decide on any rules or guidelines you want to move by and then stick to them, unless of course they just are not working. If that is the case, have another discussion and find another solution. Just keep working, together, and everything will fall into place.

Once precaution to keep in mind is that once you have completed this step, do not start thinking your work is over and slide back into your pre-separation ways. Marriage has ongoing upkeep that must be maintained in order to stay alive. A few things you can do to keep the fire lit are:

• Keep your marriage at the top of your priority list. Remember all that you have just gone through and nearly lost. Cherish your marriage and your love and do what you can to ensure its greatness.

• Communicate, communicate, communicate! Do not just assume (you probably know the old adage about that one) anything. Always talk things over, no matter how small or petty it may seem to you. That trivial little nugget may hold great weight with your spouse.

• Little surprises – even the old standby, “I just called to say I love you”, will let your spouse know you are thinking of them and lighten their heart, especially if they happen to be having a particularly trying time.

These few things are just the tip of the iceberg. Anything you can do that makes your spouse’s life easier or more enjoyable will most likely be returned to you a hundredfold. As long as you communicate, work as a partnership, and are completely committed to each other you can and will complete the steps to marriage separation reconciliation.

Note:

This article is Part 5 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

Reporting is simply accountability. Accountability goes a long way when taking steps to marriage separation reconciliation as being accountable to your spouse helps build trust and communication ties that may have been weakened or lost entirely.

Reporting keeps you accountable by proving that you are both on the same wavelength and working towards the same goal. It lends an atmosphere of openness and acceptance so that it is easier to work together and be honest about what is or is not working and how things should be changed. Then last, but definitely not least, reporting proves that you are reliable and can be trusted to do your part.

A few guidelines to follow are:

• Communicate regularly. Set a specific time to meet face-to-face, whether it be daily or weekly, and keep the appointment. Probably most important, do not ever shut the communication lines down; they should always be open at any time.

• Be specific about which topics and questions should and will be discussed, such as schedules, finances, personal values, household management, children, etc. You may want to only start with one or two topics in the beginning and work your way up. This really depends on your particular circumstances and how far gone the relationship is.

• Be honest and transparent. Discuss the bad right along with the good. Do not leave out or “sugarcoat” the details to save one’s feelings. Honesty is vital.

• Keep competency in mind. Can you really do what you are saying you can or what is being asked of you? If the difficult task is an essential one, explain the difficulty and first commit to only seeking out help; then move on from there. Take it in bite-size pieces. Do not commit to something you cannot readily do.

• At the end of the accountability session ask and answer the question: “Have you been truthful about everything we have discussed?” You are working to build trust, a key component, and sacred treasure, when taking the steps to marriage separation reconciliation.

In short, accountability is CPR for marriage: Communicating Personal Responsibility. Just as cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) can breathe life back into someone who has stopped breathing, reporting (or communicating personal responsibility) can breathe life back into your marriage.

If you are having trouble administering the CPR portion of your steps to marriage separation reconciliation, consider receiving outside guidance. Almost all marriages should and can be saved, including yours.

Note:

This article is Part 4 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

Restructuring is a vital key in steps to marriage separation reconciliation. Restructuring is the plan of action you and your spouse will take to re-establish your marriage. You will need to make a plan, work it, revise it when necessary, then rinse and repeat.

Plan It

During this stage, communication is of utmost importance. Each party needs to be able to express their individual wants and needs while the other listens, not only with their ears, but with their heart as well. Perceived rights and wrongs are no longer of any consequence. It is time to empathize with your spouse’s feelings and bring the focus to the solutions rather than the problems.

Once everything has been aired, the two of you can then work together to find practical and constructive ways to resolve the issues and set you back on the path to reconciliation. Set up a brainstorm session when you both are able and have the time to really discuss and draw up the plan.

Talk about your beliefs and values. Determine what exactly it is you both want to accomplish. What steps do you need to take to get there? Ask each other if there are certain things you do that are particularly upsetting, and really listen to the responses without getting defensive. Are there solutions to these problem areas?

Now choose just two or three areas to work on. Depending on your situation, you may need to take on the biggest issues first or you might need to baby-step it with the small ones, especially if lack of trust is a factor.

Work It

Now it is time to put your plan into action. The old rule “say what you’ll do and do what you say” is very important here. Following this rule will help ensure you have a foundation of trust to build on. Just for good measure, whenever it’s possible go above and beyond what is expected and earn a few brownie points. While in this stage remember to expect the ups and downs, but be patient and persistent and eventually you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come.

Revise It

From time to time sit down and do a check-up on the plan. If things are going well and moving along fairly smoothly, keep up the good work. If something isn’t working, try to find a new solution. Your action plan is not set in stone; if you need to make changes for it to be better, do so.

Rinse and Repeat

Once you’ve found a method that seems to work, keep working through each of your problems, making any necessary adjustments. In time you should have a much better, stronger, and deeper relationship with the connections you desired before your marriage separation.

Note:

This article is Part 3 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

Steps to marriage separation reconciliation are important in rebuilding the love and trust ties that bind a couple in danger of filing for divorce. One factor in these steps is repentance. As defined at Wikipedia, “Repentance is a change of thought and action to correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged.”

In order to reconcile a marriage, both individuals must be able and willing to recognize their fault in the dissolution of the marriage, whether it is large or small, whether it is a result of being on the offensive or defensive line. You must then be willing to take the necessary actions to rectify, or at least prevent, the same mistakes from occurring in the future. Three elements of the repentance factor in steps to marriage separation reconciliation are acknowledgment, remorse, and forgiveness.

Acknowledgment

Profess your specific wrongdoings (forgot about that important meeting, not forgetfulness) and do not make excuses for them; just simply own up to the offense and be willing to make amends. Show that you know how you have erred and are ready to change that behavior.

Remorse

Be open and honest about the shame and grief you feel for the hurt you have caused. At this stage of the game it is important for your spouse to be able to see that you understand the hurt that you have caused them, whether it was intentional or not, and are truly sorry for it.

Forgiveness

Say “I’m sorry” and ask for forgiveness. It may not come immediately, but knowing that you have done this much will help you heal from the pain you caused. Forgiveness has great healing power, not only for the one being forgiven, but the forgiver as well. Forgiving does not mean that your spouse is justifying or even accepting your actions, but it does mean that they are able to overlook your transgressions in order to restore the bond of love.

Note:

This article is Part 2 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.rel=”nofollow”

If you and your spouse are going through a marital crisis and have separated, don’t despair. It is still possible to save your marriage. The steps to marriage separation reconciliation are based on the four R’s: Repentance, Restructuring, Reporting, and Restoration.

REPENTANCE

To repent is to feel regret or remorse for the misdeeds one has done. In order to reconcile a marriage, each party must be willing to recognize their fault in the dissolution of the marriage, whether it be large or small, whether it be a result of being on the offensive or defensive line. None are perfect and all have flaws. You must then be willing to take the necessary actions to rectify or at least prevent the same mistakes from occurring in the future.

RESTRUCTURING

Restructuring is the action plan you and your spouse will use to rebuild the marriage. The ability to communicate is vital in this step. Each party needs to be able to express what their needs and wants are and the other needs to listen, not only with their ears, but with their heart as well. Whether perceived wrongs or what you thought you were doing right is accurate or not is of no consequence; you must be able to empathize with your spouse’s feelings. Once everything has been aired, the two of you can then work together to find practical and constructive ways to resolve the issues.

REPORTING

Reporting is simply accountability. Accountability in a relationship is not to make you feel like big brother is always watching over you, but it is to build the trust and communication bonds between a couple. Being accountable to your spouse is not about being selfish, it is the act of putting their needs and desires first. Marriage is a two-way street in which you give and take, and when you give selflessly you are more apt to receive the same in return. Accountability just provides the honesty, openness, and assurance needed to rebuild the relationship and open the path to restoration.

RESTORATION

Restoration is the actual step of repairing or renewing your marriage. If you have moved through the other three steps to marriage separation reconciliation, then restoration should be much easier and the marriage may actually be better than in the beginning. You have begun a new relationship with your spouse in which you have better communication, more honesty, and a desire to please your mate.

If the communication lines are too far gone at this point, consider receiving outside guidance to help you work through the steps to marriage separation reconciliation. Almost all marriages should and can be saved. If you have the desire to save your marriage, it can be done.

Note:

This article is Part 1 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.