When God created Eve from Adam’s ribs, the very first marriage of human beings was made. The Bible places such importance to marriages and it defines a marriage as a blessed union with camaraderie and closeness. In its chapters, it tells what both the husband and the wife must do to have a lasting marriage. Husbands must love, protect and respect their wives. They should also be pleasant and tender towards their women and must be willing to forego their own interests for their mate. Wives on the other hand must surrender (in a loving, not slave-driver way) to their husbands and must be spiritual and kind by nature. In Christian marriage counseling, these are the commandments that are always pointed out.

Every year, there is a significant number of married couples getting divorced. It is learned that almost 45% of spouses legally part ways. Research also states that those who do not go to church divorce at a rate higher than those who do go. Couples who are spiritually committed to sincerely serving God usually have longer-lasting, successful marriages.

However unfortunate it is, that isn’t ALWAYS the case.  There are marital unions that do end in divorce because of issues and concerns that have not been thoroughly accepted and/or discussed between the couple. Emotions such as pride, frustration and selfishness make the act of forgiving a hard thing to do. For couples who are having difficulties with this, Christian marriage counseling could be a great opportunity to take advantage of.

Christian marriage counseling helps people understand themselves, their purpose in life and the presence and need for God. It imparts that marriage is a sacred union created and required by God and that Satan is out there to destroy this holy union due to his famous disobedience to God’s orders.

Counselors who offer Christian marriage counseling services state that time is of the essence in a marriage. It is preferable and easier to save a marriage when problems are dealt with at an early stage. Otherwise, the longer things are allowed to stew, the larger they become and the foundation walls begin to crumble, little by little until nothing is left at all. These issues sprout due to resentment, the absence of communication or closeness, and pride. Pride is a destroyer and as the Bible tells us, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

Christian marriage counseling takes people back to their initial goals in life. People who get married always dream of ending up old together. Because of external factors in their lives, they tend to forget their original dreams and instead focus on the complexities of the present.  This type of counseling will teach couples to base their relationship in God’s words and will remind them that God is omniscient, ever-caring, and merciful. All He wants is for married couples to stay together until death.

Statistics show that as of December 2009, for a population of 1000 in the United States, 3.4 married couples end in divorce. Although alarming, it is relieving to learn that divorce cases have lessened because in 2008 and 2007, the rate was 3.5 and 3.6 respectively. The cause of the divorce usually stems from unresolved bitter experiences in the past. These sad experiences have piled up and exploded all at once, making the couple unforgiving. Their inability to pardon results in abhorrence and this hatred causes them to become strangers. Because they become foreign to one another, communication becomes impossible and the origin of the problem is unacknowledged and not discussed amicably. Couples who want to make the marriage work however, may resort to couples therapy or possibly even go all the way by participating in Christian marriage retreats.

Christian marriage retreats are for those couples who acknowledge and accept that their marriage is teetering on the brink of failure and are willing to do anything to solve the problem. The couple goes to a retreat house, usually out of town, and stays for approximately 3 to 5 days to get spiritual and psychotherapy counseling. Here, the issues are identified and thoroughly discussed and eventually, spiritual guidance comes in. The word of God is the final advice and almost always, the Word of God prevails.

Christian marriage retreats generally offer a few different package options so the couple can choose an atmosphere in which they are most comfortable. There are small group retreats where the number of participants are limited to a maximum of three couples. These programs have a specified time frame of around 3 to 5 days and couples learn from others’ experiences. For those who do not want to share their problems with other people and prefer real privacy, there are retreats designed to work one-on-one with a couple.  This is a special case with a special (read higher) price, also. Partners are given all the time and liberty to speak and share his and her thoughts. Usually this exclusive private counseling is taken advantage of by high-profiled persons such as politicians, celebrities and the like.

The benefits of a successful marriage are priceless. Though these retreats come with a price tag, money should never be a hindrance in keeping the family intact. Marital unions are a commitment to God for them to be together, in sickness and in health, through thick and thin until death. With the Supreme Being in their lives, married people will have a healthy marriage. They have to submit to the will of God which is to have a harmonious relationship with others and they must base their union not in lies but in the truth.

More than 90% of the couples who join these Christian marriage retreats come out with resolved issues and their marriage intact and stronger. They have become more committed, wiser and happier individuals with the goal of sticking together until the end. Even problems of infidelity are resolved and forgiven and the couple moves closer to having the kind of marriage they have always dreamed of and looked forward to.

A perfect relationship does not exist. All relationships undergo troubles or conflicts for it involves two different individuals with their own problems, moods, desires and needs. These two also have their own experiences and issues from the past that have shaped them into the persons that they are at present. So when all these issues, conflicts, individual concerns, and differences sprout and clash together, both parties are bound to get hurt and frustrated with one another. Such frustration sprouts from a shattered fantasy of the ideal partner and relationship. Fantasies are gone and realization sinks in. It is actually up to the couple if they want to resolve their issues or they simply go their separate ways. But for those who want to stick together through thick and thin, it would be advisable for them to undergo couples psychotherapy.

“Psychotherapy” comes from the Greek words “psyche” that connotes the spirit or soul, and “therapeia” which means to cure. Psychotherapy therefore is a way of curing the spirit or soul when it has problems.  Psychological, emotional, mental and behavioral problems such as trauma, stress, depression, addictions, and marital and family disputes can be addressed and resolved through psychotherapy administered by a counselor, therapist or shrink. The latter talks to the patient and engages him in a conversation so that the patient would be able to open up about his past and present troubles. Through the conversation, the counselor hopes to give advice to the patient on how to resolve these problems and make the patient feel better than before.

With couples psychotherapy, a trip down memory lane is essential. The individual histories of both partners as well as the history of the relationship will be revisited and reviewed. Through this, the couple would be able to understand each other’s point of view and where he or she is coming from. The root of the marital problem will be dissected and discussed and from there, it is the goal of the therapist to make each partner be aware of the issues and to accept their faults. The aim is to understand, accept, forgive, forget and hopefully start anew. It is not the therapist who shall decide if the couple should stick it out or not. It is still the couple who will come to an agreement. They should be willing to accept that there is a problem and solutions can be arrived at.  The psychotherapist must also have the necessary skills to make the couple open up and be eager to tell their own sides of the story.

It is not the aim of couples psychotherapy to separate a couple. It is there not to judge, but to guide them to be considerate, tolerant and accepting persons and hopefully better partners and parents.  Couples psychotherapy will make both partners stronger in their emotions, faith, trust and viewpoint in life. There is no perfect relationship as has been said. But what makes a relationship ideal is when the couple strives hard to make things perfect.

Imago Relationship Therapy is a type of marriage counseling that attempts to help a person understand where their subconscious mind played a great role in choosing their partner.  From there, they move on to using this new found perception to resolve the conflicts in their relationship and have the loving, fulfilling marriage they have dreamed of.  The article below gives a little history of Imago relationship therapy and it’s author, Harville Hendrix.

Harville Hendrix And Imago Relationship Therapy

Author: A Stratton

Perhaps best known to the general community for his appearances on Oprah, Harville Hendrix is a notable and respected member of the therapeutic community. The good doctor has given his career’s work to studying marriage and relationships, striving to learn what aspects of relationship therapy can be improved upon to set up couples to succeed long term. His experience in both the field of relationships and the field of psychology is vast, having spent over 35 years in various roles, including counselor, educator, and lecturer.

Harville Hendrix received his education from Mercer University and he has a degree in theology and degrees in both religion and psychology from the University of Chicago Divinity School. Much of his popular fame came when he published bestselling books on the subject of relationships and marriage. These books, including Getting the Love you Want and Keeping the Love You Find, have helped millions of people move beyond traditional methods of working through problem relationships.

They say behind any successful man stands a successful woman, and the story of Harville Hendrix is no exception to that rule. With his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, he has created what may be his primary contribution to the science of marriage and relationship counseling. Known as Imago Relationship Therapy, the program explores the concepts of conscious marriage and parenting. Since its inception, the program has been embraced by thousands of therapists around the world.

Hendrix believes that much of what drives the problems in relationships (as well as initial chemistry and attraction in the first place) is a hunger in people to find what they lacked in their upbringing. Few people had the luck to grow up in a perfect household. Everyone has some issues with their original caretakers, even if they don’t know it at the conscious level. Many times, individuals seek out potential partners who can give them what their parents failed to. Whether that be support, love, affection, or what have you, it becomes incumbent on the other party to fill that void. Many times, when a relationship fails, it is because one partner is trying to work out their baggage with their husband or wife, who is completely unaware that this dynamic is taking place.

Through his books, seminars, and appearances on television, Harville Hendrix has managed to share his relationship strategies with millions of couples and therapists around the world. His contributions to the science are to be honored and appreciated and there can be no doubt that anyone can learn from his techniques.

Article Source: http://www.sooperarticles.com/relationship-articles/harville-hendrix-imago-relationship-therapy-266089.html

About Author:

Dr. Harville Hendrix has developed methods that have helped countless people worldwide. Learn more here: http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/.

If you want to know how to get over someone you love, you must realize that none of the answers are easy ones. No matter how ready you might think you are to move on and get over that person, that you have to ask how to do it at all shows that it’s going to be a painful process.  Sometimes it’s a slow process, too.  You might think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again.  That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years.  Maybe even for the rest of your life.  But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss.  It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is new, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out.  It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do.  But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain.  You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible.  Photographs of them can be put away for a while.  Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed.  You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while.  This tip can be found in pretty much every list that explains how to get over someone you love, so it’s at least a popular idea that’s worth a try.

If you’re really having trouble living your life after the break-up, it might be necessary to seek counseling.  Simply explain that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counselor how to get over someone you love.  They can offer helpful advice, and can be more specific that generic lists about how to get over someone you love.  A counselor can also probably offer better advice than friends or family.

Your friends and family might feel they know your situation too well.  Some may have motives for help you get over the person.  They might not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they might want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly.  With a counselor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

Feel free to go to counseling for as long as you need to.  If the counselor feels you’re spending too much time dwelling on how to get over someone you love, they’ll tell you.

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.