Restructuring is a vital key in steps to marriage separation reconciliation. Restructuring is the plan of action you and your spouse will take to re-establish your marriage. You will need to make a plan, work it, revise it when necessary, then rinse and repeat.

Plan It

During this stage, communication is of utmost importance. Each party needs to be able to express their individual wants and needs while the other listens, not only with their ears, but with their heart as well. Perceived rights and wrongs are no longer of any consequence. It is time to empathize with your spouse’s feelings and bring the focus to the solutions rather than the problems.

Once everything has been aired, the two of you can then work together to find practical and constructive ways to resolve the issues and set you back on the path to reconciliation. Set up a brainstorm session when you both are able and have the time to really discuss and draw up the plan.

Talk about your beliefs and values. Determine what exactly it is you both want to accomplish. What steps do you need to take to get there? Ask each other if there are certain things you do that are particularly upsetting, and really listen to the responses without getting defensive. Are there solutions to these problem areas?

Now choose just two or three areas to work on. Depending on your situation, you may need to take on the biggest issues first or you might need to baby-step it with the small ones, especially if lack of trust is a factor.

Work It

Now it is time to put your plan into action. The old rule “say what you’ll do and do what you say” is very important here. Following this rule will help ensure you have a foundation of trust to build on. Just for good measure, whenever it’s possible go above and beyond what is expected and earn a few brownie points. While in this stage remember to expect the ups and downs, but be patient and persistent and eventually you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come.

Revise It

From time to time sit down and do a check-up on the plan. If things are going well and moving along fairly smoothly, keep up the good work. If something isn’t working, try to find a new solution. Your action plan is not set in stone; if you need to make changes for it to be better, do so.

Rinse and Repeat

Once you’ve found a method that seems to work, keep working through each of your problems, making any necessary adjustments. In time you should have a much better, stronger, and deeper relationship with the connections you desired before your marriage separation.

Note:

This article is Part 3 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

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