Reporting is simply accountability. Accountability goes a long way when taking steps to marriage separation reconciliation as being accountable to your spouse helps build trust and communication ties that may have been weakened or lost entirely.

Reporting keeps you accountable by proving that you are both on the same wavelength and working towards the same goal. It lends an atmosphere of openness and acceptance so that it is easier to work together and be honest about what is or is not working and how things should be changed. Then last, but definitely not least, reporting proves that you are reliable and can be trusted to do your part.

A few guidelines to follow are:

• Communicate regularly. Set a specific time to meet face-to-face, whether it be daily or weekly, and keep the appointment. Probably most important, do not ever shut the communication lines down; they should always be open at any time.

• Be specific about which topics and questions should and will be discussed, such as schedules, finances, personal values, household management, children, etc. You may want to only start with one or two topics in the beginning and work your way up. This really depends on your particular circumstances and how far gone the relationship is.

• Be honest and transparent. Discuss the bad right along with the good. Do not leave out or “sugarcoat” the details to save one’s feelings. Honesty is vital.

• Keep competency in mind. Can you really do what you are saying you can or what is being asked of you? If the difficult task is an essential one, explain the difficulty and first commit to only seeking out help; then move on from there. Take it in bite-size pieces. Do not commit to something you cannot readily do.

• At the end of the accountability session ask and answer the question: “Have you been truthful about everything we have discussed?” You are working to build trust, a key component, and sacred treasure, when taking the steps to marriage separation reconciliation.

In short, accountability is CPR for marriage: Communicating Personal Responsibility. Just as cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) can breathe life back into someone who has stopped breathing, reporting (or communicating personal responsibility) can breathe life back into your marriage.

If you are having trouble administering the CPR portion of your steps to marriage separation reconciliation, consider receiving outside guidance. Almost all marriages should and can be saved, including yours.

Note:

This article is Part 4 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

Restructuring is a vital key in steps to marriage separation reconciliation. Restructuring is the plan of action you and your spouse will take to re-establish your marriage. You will need to make a plan, work it, revise it when necessary, then rinse and repeat.

Plan It

During this stage, communication is of utmost importance. Each party needs to be able to express their individual wants and needs while the other listens, not only with their ears, but with their heart as well. Perceived rights and wrongs are no longer of any consequence. It is time to empathize with your spouse’s feelings and bring the focus to the solutions rather than the problems.

Once everything has been aired, the two of you can then work together to find practical and constructive ways to resolve the issues and set you back on the path to reconciliation. Set up a brainstorm session when you both are able and have the time to really discuss and draw up the plan.

Talk about your beliefs and values. Determine what exactly it is you both want to accomplish. What steps do you need to take to get there? Ask each other if there are certain things you do that are particularly upsetting, and really listen to the responses without getting defensive. Are there solutions to these problem areas?

Now choose just two or three areas to work on. Depending on your situation, you may need to take on the biggest issues first or you might need to baby-step it with the small ones, especially if lack of trust is a factor.

Work It

Now it is time to put your plan into action. The old rule “say what you’ll do and do what you say” is very important here. Following this rule will help ensure you have a foundation of trust to build on. Just for good measure, whenever it’s possible go above and beyond what is expected and earn a few brownie points. While in this stage remember to expect the ups and downs, but be patient and persistent and eventually you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come.

Revise It

From time to time sit down and do a check-up on the plan. If things are going well and moving along fairly smoothly, keep up the good work. If something isn’t working, try to find a new solution. Your action plan is not set in stone; if you need to make changes for it to be better, do so.

Rinse and Repeat

Once you’ve found a method that seems to work, keep working through each of your problems, making any necessary adjustments. In time you should have a much better, stronger, and deeper relationship with the connections you desired before your marriage separation.

Note:

This article is Part 3 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

Steps to marriage separation reconciliation are important in rebuilding the love and trust ties that bind a couple in danger of filing for divorce. One factor in these steps is repentance. As defined at Wikipedia, “Repentance is a change of thought and action to correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged.”

In order to reconcile a marriage, both individuals must be able and willing to recognize their fault in the dissolution of the marriage, whether it is large or small, whether it is a result of being on the offensive or defensive line. You must then be willing to take the necessary actions to rectify, or at least prevent, the same mistakes from occurring in the future. Three elements of the repentance factor in steps to marriage separation reconciliation are acknowledgment, remorse, and forgiveness.

Acknowledgment

Profess your specific wrongdoings (forgot about that important meeting, not forgetfulness) and do not make excuses for them; just simply own up to the offense and be willing to make amends. Show that you know how you have erred and are ready to change that behavior.

Remorse

Be open and honest about the shame and grief you feel for the hurt you have caused. At this stage of the game it is important for your spouse to be able to see that you understand the hurt that you have caused them, whether it was intentional or not, and are truly sorry for it.

Forgiveness

Say “I’m sorry” and ask for forgiveness. It may not come immediately, but knowing that you have done this much will help you heal from the pain you caused. Forgiveness has great healing power, not only for the one being forgiven, but the forgiver as well. Forgiving does not mean that your spouse is justifying or even accepting your actions, but it does mean that they are able to overlook your transgressions in order to restore the bond of love.

Note:

This article is Part 2 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.rel=”nofollow”

If you and your spouse are going through a marital crisis and have separated, don’t despair. It is still possible to save your marriage. The steps to marriage separation reconciliation are based on the four R’s: Repentance, Restructuring, Reporting, and Restoration.

REPENTANCE

To repent is to feel regret or remorse for the misdeeds one has done. In order to reconcile a marriage, each party must be willing to recognize their fault in the dissolution of the marriage, whether it be large or small, whether it be a result of being on the offensive or defensive line. None are perfect and all have flaws. You must then be willing to take the necessary actions to rectify or at least prevent the same mistakes from occurring in the future.

RESTRUCTURING

Restructuring is the action plan you and your spouse will use to rebuild the marriage. The ability to communicate is vital in this step. Each party needs to be able to express what their needs and wants are and the other needs to listen, not only with their ears, but with their heart as well. Whether perceived wrongs or what you thought you were doing right is accurate or not is of no consequence; you must be able to empathize with your spouse’s feelings. Once everything has been aired, the two of you can then work together to find practical and constructive ways to resolve the issues.

REPORTING

Reporting is simply accountability. Accountability in a relationship is not to make you feel like big brother is always watching over you, but it is to build the trust and communication bonds between a couple. Being accountable to your spouse is not about being selfish, it is the act of putting their needs and desires first. Marriage is a two-way street in which you give and take, and when you give selflessly you are more apt to receive the same in return. Accountability just provides the honesty, openness, and assurance needed to rebuild the relationship and open the path to restoration.

RESTORATION

Restoration is the actual step of repairing or renewing your marriage. If you have moved through the other three steps to marriage separation reconciliation, then restoration should be much easier and the marriage may actually be better than in the beginning. You have begun a new relationship with your spouse in which you have better communication, more honesty, and a desire to please your mate.

If the communication lines are too far gone at this point, consider receiving outside guidance to help you work through the steps to marriage separation reconciliation. Almost all marriages should and can be saved. If you have the desire to save your marriage, it can be done.

Note:

This article is Part 1 of 5.  Please click on the tag steps to marriage separation reconciliation for the full series.

If you truly want to get back together with your ex, you have to do a bit of soul searching. You must be totally honest with yourself.  You have to decide if you and your ex get back together it will truly make you happy, and you won’t wind up down the same road that caused the breakup in the first place.  It’s always easy after a breakup to only think of the good times.  It’s important that you try to be completely objective and think of both the good and bad times.

In reality, there are a few relationships that are unworthy of saving. If you and your ex spent more time fighting than you did doing something good and fun, then perhaps you should consider moving on. If they were physically or verbally abusive, it probably wasn’t a healthy relationship.  If they were mentally unstable, you probably are better off without them.  If the relationship overall was a good one, and they weren’t abusive, and they were of sound mind, the following should help you and your ex get back together.

Pestering and pushing your ex isn’t a good idea.  If you try to constantly get in touch with your ex; whether its by phone, email, text message, or stalking them you’re going to do more harm than good.  They will see this as a sign of desperation.  This could actually push them further away than bring them closer to you.

Don’t argue, beg, or plead with your ex about your past relationship. It’s easy when you and your mind are all alone.  Your mind manifests all sorts of “wrongs” that you may have done.  Even when your ex broke up with you they may have gave you reasons why.  Now, you’re probably beating yourself up over them.  You probably wish you had never done those things.  The past is the past.  This is the present.

If you get it in your mind that the relationship is currently over.  You can’t go back in time, though you probably wish you could.  Concentrate on what is going on now.  The only thing worse than obsessively contacting your ex is to beg or plead with them.  Make promises how you’ll change, etc…This won’t help you and your ex get back together at all.

If you back off, give them some time, and live your life, you’ll be doing yourself a big favor in more ways than one.  You’ll probably become more desirable to your ex, because you’re allowing them to think about you and miss you.  You’ll also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life too.

Today I just want to leave you with a quick video from T “Dub” Jackson.  He is the author of The Magic of Making Up system.  In this video he answers questions from others who are wondering “How do I get my ex back?”

After breaking up with someone you love, there are a lot of painful emotions:  sadness, depression, and simply just missing that special someone.  “What should I do to get my ex back?” becomes a question you constantly ask yourself.

There are many websites, books, blogs, forums and even courses designed to answer that question, but a little common sense and courtesy can really make a difference and go a long way towards healing your relationship.  If you’re preoccupied with your lost relationship and wondering “what should I do to get my ex back?” then following this simple advice could be the best chance of getting back together.

DON’T PLAY GAMES

This is very important, but unfortunately many people resort to this during breakups because it gives them a sense of power.  If you can make the other person think that you don’t care, or you care more than you really do, you’re manipulating them and that can feel great, but not for long.  Eventually you’ll realize that lying and tricking the other person is nothing more than child’s play and anything good that happens because of it will always be sullied because of the lie.

Some people play games where they pretend to be dating or in love with someone else.  While this ploy to make your ex jealous may work for a short time, it generally backfires and ensures the breakup is permanent.  Your ex could be so jealous at the thought of you being with someone else that they want you back or they may decide that since you moved on so quickly you didn’t really care about them anyway and you’re not worth the effort.  You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it’s too late.

DON’T BE MEAN

This holds true in any situation or relationship, but sometimes the anger and hurt we feel after a breakup can cause us to be more cruel than we normally would.  Even if you’re hurt, the fact that you want to know, ‘What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you’re ready to forgive that person, but if you have been nasty to your ex, he/she may not be so quick to forgive you.

CONSIDER YOUR ACTIONS

Now, think about your own behavior.  If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time or talking with you?  Or would you dread those moments?  Do you shout and nag?  Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, simply don’t.  Work very hard at controlling your anger and hurt, and being a person they can miss.

SUMMARY

“What should I do to get my ex back?”

Be on your best behavior and allow your ex to remember what drew them to you in the first place.  They’ll remember your good points and begin to miss them.

These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.  If you are at that place where you have no idea what to do or where to turn, let me point you towards “The Magic of Making Up System.”  T ‘Dub’ Jackson has authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan that has worked like magic for over 6,000 couples.  He can guide you and give you the most complete advice that you need at this time in your life.

While difficult to do, relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way when you’re asking, “How can I get my ex back?”  Although a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend can leave you feeling depressed, confused or lonely, it doesn’t have to mean the relationship is over.  If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting your ex back will be easier than ever.

Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can help:

Keep Your Confidence – If you are asking “how can I get my ex back?”, then don’t mope around.  You don’t want to give off an air of “doom and gloom.”  Try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy.  Let your ex see that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation and surviving on your own as well.

Remain Socially Active – If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well-wishers, positive attitudes and good friends.  Show your ex that people appreciate you and love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light.  He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person and they simply cannot afford to let go.  This is one of the best ways to get your ex to see you in a different light.

Maintain a Good Appearance – Another solution to “How can I get my ex back?” is to not let your appearance reflect your situation.  Pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, hair, stride, shoes and even your voice.  It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy.  You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

Are there any secret or “magic” words you can use to make your ex return your call?  It does sounds hard to believe, but there ARE words that will nearly cast a spell and make your ex feel almost compelled to return your call.  Great news, right?  I am going to share this with you because this is one of the biggest questions received from people who are trying to put their relationships back together.

BUT – WARNING

If you use this technique alone, without an overall plan or strategy, you may do more damage than good to your relationship.  Check out the Magic of Making Up system for help with your game plan.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

First, we need to go over what NOT to say.  You shouldn’t waste time leaving a message that never works or puts you in an awful “psychological” position.  Those messages are “the plead” and “the emergency”.

The plead usually goes something like this:  “John, please, please call me.  This is the third time I’ve called and I HAVE to talk to you.”

The emergency usually goes along these lines:  “Cindy, this is an emergency.  Please call me as soon as you get this.”

I believe you know what is wrong with both of those approaches so let’s not dwell here and get on to what you came for.

HOW TO USE CURIOSITY AND SELF-INTEREST TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Two of the most powerful forces in the human mind are curiosity and self-interest, and when you combine these two, you have a recipe that WORKS like magic.  Now, let’s look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.

In a friendly tone:

“Hi John, it’s Cindy.  I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me.  Call me because I want to thank you in person.”

Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?  John will NOT be able to resist!  He’ll be thinking, “What did I do?  What does she appreciate?” and he feels good because it is a positive message.

But hold on just a second, before you call you need your “set up”.  Figure out what he/she did that you appreciate.  It can be any small thing, but it does need to be plausible.

But more importantly…

2^ND WARNING

Please have an underlying game plan like the one laid out in the Magic Of Making Up system BEFORE you call.  If you apply this technique with no underlying strategy and they call you back, you can do more damage than good if you do not handle it correctly.

Okay?

What I am saying is that what you do before, during and after you get them to return your call is MORE important than getting them to return your call.

Make sense?

Have a PLAN!