When I first sat down to write this article one of the first things that went through my head was that I didn’t want it to be cliché.  I wanted to tell people some of the best ways to save a marriage without telling them the same things everyone else does, for instance good communication skills, etc.

But, as I got further into the article it occurred to me the reason everyone talks about some of these common themes is that they are the best ways to save not only a marriage, but relationships in general.

So, in this article, I will talk about those things you have no doubt heard before, but I will also try to present them in a way that provides you with actual tools and not just theories.

It’s great for me to tell you that one thing you and your partner must learn to do is to communicate, but how exactly does that work?  That is the one piece of the puzzle that is often missing.

Let me give you a few examples of what I mean by learning to communicate:

1. Good communication means that you know how to let others know what you want and expect from them without making them feel like they are being blamed, or that they are stupid.

   Being able to convey your emotions, even negative ones, without your partner feeling like they are being attacked is one huge step in the right direction.

   Now, there is something I need to point out here, even if you learn to communicate in a healthy way, that doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is right there with  you.

   No matter how “blame free” you express yourself they may still “hear” accusations and blame.

   This can happen for two main reasons: one, the two of you have communicated with blame and accusations for so long that is all they hear, and /or two, they are so insecure in themselves they can’t hear what you say without believing it is really all about them.

   These issues will take time, and probably some counseling, to overcome, but at least you can start right now on learning non -blaming ways of saying your piece.

2. Try to avoid the absolutes like: “you always do X” and “you never do Y”, etc.  This is one of the quickest ways to make your partner angry and have them shut down.

   When that happens nothing gets accomplished except that the two of you have built up yet one more wall between you.

   Instead, take a moment to decide what it is you really want and what it is that is really making you unhappy, then try to express that in a non-judgmental fashion to your partner.

   Let’s say, for example, your partner forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.  What really made you mad? Is it the fact that you feel like they don’t do their fair share?  Is it the fact that you don’t feel they do anything for you? It is about more than just not having your dry cleaning and that “bottom point” is what you need to get to.

These things are good first steps to take and good ways to save a marriage. Just hang in there and work together.

Have you ever gone online and typed in the search term “ways to save your marriage”? Notice how many results there were? I did just that and found almost 4 million results! That, my friend, is a lot of information.

And that overabundance of information can be overwhelming. Today our problem isn’t lack of information, it is trying to sift through all the information and find the right answer.

I will make that part of it a little easier for you; there are many ways to save your marriage. There isn’t just one answer for everyone and every situation. There are almost always several paths that will lead you where you want to go.

Your job is just to find the one(s) that work for you. We all have our preferred ways of handling things and learning things. Find the methods that make sense to you to increase your odds of getting the outcome you really want.

Here are some ideas that can get you started. Remember, while you should pay attention to the general concept, how the two of you incorporate that concept into your situation is largely up to you:

1. You will hear this over and over again, but that is only because it is so important: you and your spouse have got to learn how to communicate.

That is the number one skill you can learn that will make your life easier in every way. You can improve all your relationships by learning healthy communication skills.

You hear this a lot but many people don’t really understand what good communication is really all about. It really just means that you know how to effectively (without judgment or blame) let your partner know how you are feeling.

By keeping the judgment and blame out of it, you are opening up the lines of communication with your partner. It still may take time for them to catch on, but this is a great start.

When you are angry at your spouse for something, say they didn’t do something they promised they would do, which approach from you do you think will get the best results:

“You never do what I ask you to do!” or “I’m really frustrated that you forgot, can you please do it tomorrow?”

Now, in a perfect world if you used the second approach your spouse would instantly realize that you are right and that they messed up and they would be only too willing to make amends.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world and none of us are perfect. So instead of the response you hoped for (even when you use a better approach) you may still get anger and defensiveness… especially at first.

If the two of you have been using the first approach; blame, recriminations, etc. than it may take both of you some time to change the way you interact and communicate. Don’t expect changes overnight.

2. Be willing to forgive both your partner and yourself. This is another very big thing to be able to do. Otherwise anger, both at your partner and at yourself for the mistakes you have made, can take over.

I don’t mean to make things seem overly simple, even though the techniques I’ve talked about here are simple, it will take time and practice to learn to do them. But, if you are willing to learn, these are the ways to save your marriage.

Healing Relationships

You know few things in life are worse than messing up a great relationship. To some degree or another we are all guilty of it at some point. One of the most common reasons is our own baggage; the past hurts and doubts that we bring with us. Healing relationships usually starts with healing yourself.

So if you want to start healing relationships in your life why not take a good long look at yourself? I don’t mean that in a negative way, I’m not talking about beating yourself up over your past mistakes. Far from it.

I am talking about facing your past (and current) mistakes with love and forgiveness of yourself. Give yourself permission to mess up in the past, present, and future.

If you can get past the notion that you have to be “perfect” for anyone to love you, you will give yourself permission to be you – all sides of you, good and not so good.

You will be amazed at how good that can feel, to just allow yourself to do your best without beating yourself up when you make a mistake.

Once you reach that point, or at least get closer to that point than you are now since actually getting to that point will take time, you can enter into all relationships as a better version of yourself.

That one thing will eliminate many of the struggles before they even start. If both you and your partner can do that… well life will be great!

Of course, just like with many things in life, the theory is great but the actual steps to get there may seem a little blurry. That is why a good counselor should be able to help you.

This can be taken out of the realm of theory and into practice but you will need some guidance and a few tools won’t hurt either.

A good therapist can teach you better, more healthy ways of thinking of many of the things in your life, including yourself. With practice you can learn new and more effective ways of “talking” to yourself.

If you notice that you immediately start belittling yourself in your head (or out loud) whenever something goes wrong, that can be a wonderful place to start.

Just learn to start talking to yourself the way you talk to the people you love and you will be amazed at the difference that can make. When you start to feel better about yourself that new found confidence and love will come across in everything you say and do.

And that can only have a positive impact on those in your life. You make some positive changes within yourself and lots of other people, besides just you, will benefit too. What could be better?

So, how do you go about healing relationships? Well, the first step is to start healing you. Find a counselor or therapist who will work with you on that goal and who you feel comfortable with. With some love and patience you can be a better version of yourself.

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to a friend on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took them by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. A few cutting words from a loved one, hurt feelings, and a defensive retort that left both with regrets. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of soda, the lid off the juice, or newspapers not picked up. But to them, it represented something much deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks until the frustration reached breaking point.

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There was intense frustration at having to search for something when it is not where it was expected to be. Worse still when one person shifted it and the other didn’t know the first place to begin searching.

Searching for that particular shirt or needles and thread, lost car keys, a document missing from a drawer, missing covers for the outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where the house had to be turned upside-down. A moment’s thought or a supportive reply when these things were discussed would have saved a lot of time and frustration. And the answer that was received? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

This off-hand comment characterized the undercurrent of misunderstanding and lack of compassion that had been running through the relationship for quite some time. One partner did the majority of the household chores and felt aggrieved that their efforts weren’t recognized.

Praise or gratitude was not expected, but simple recognition was. Getting told that “I don’t expect you to tidy the house or cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by my friend as ingratitude, and hurt her even more.

So where to from here? My friend’s partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas she felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about her trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my friend’s efforts, and she in turn misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. My friend needed to be considered when things were not put back in their place. When two people live together it involves and adjustment in routines, habits, and attitudes. Some consideration of her feelings needed to be taken into account in order for the relationship to move forward.

There was a need to voice frustrations before they get to boiling point. What was needed was a commitment to talking about feelings more often, and in such a way that both partners could do so without judgment or consequence. Open communication was the key to their success, rather than suppressing feelings.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

They got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it serves as a good reminder to all. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A problem shared is a problem halved…

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“I thought we broke up. Why are you still calling me?”

Sound familiar?  Wondering what’s going on?  Sounds like someone is still interested and not quite ready to let things go yet, even if they are the one who broke it off.

Why Does My Ex Still Call Me?

By: Anthony Malibu

Does your phone still ring, with your ex calling you even after breaking up?  This is a lot more common than you might think, especially in today’s world of text-messages, Facebook, and constant daily contact.  But what does it mean?  Why is your ex still trying to get in touch with you, even though you’re no longer dating?

In most cases, post-breakup communication is a definite sign of interest.  Your ex hasn’t completely let go of you yet, and he or she is keeping one or two lines of communication open so they can keep tabs on you.  Your ex might not be ready to move on yet, but more importantly they don’t want YOU to move on.  Despite their assertions that such phone calls are nothing more than friendly hellos to see how you’re doing, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend has a much more hidden agenda.

You need to understand that when two people break up, feelings continue.  Emotional bonds that took months or years to develop aren’t severed overnight.  Your ex has the same loving memories of good times and past experiences together that you do, and he or she is not yet willing to let them go.  Even further, your ex is probably scared with the prospect of you moving on before they do.

So yes, your ex broke up with you.  And no, they might not be ready to get back together… at least, not yet anyway.  But for now, your ex is looking to keep tabs on where you are and what you’re doing.  He or she will use every means necessary to keep you hanging around, but at the same time they’ll use these tools to maintain a healthy distance.  Intermittent phone calls filled with small talk aren’t so innocent: they’re designed to keep track of who you’re with and what you’re up to.  Myspace or Facebook contact is also made to see which activities and people you’ve been occupying your time with.

In essence, any time your ex boyfriend or girlfriend keeps calling you after the breakup, it’s because he or she isn’t over you yet.  There’s no other excuse to stay in touch (especially not the “let’s be friends” nonsense), other than because your ex hasn’t fully gotten used to the idea of you not being around.  Even though they broke things off, your ex still wants you in their life.  And as long as this is true, there are methods and techniques you can use to easily draw them back in.

Your ex was a huge part of your life, right?  Well so were you a huge part of theirs.  If you were to distance yourself your ex would start missing you very much, which is why he or she keeps reaching out and sending you these mixed signals.  They don’t want you back just yet, but they don’t want you to go away either.  So the best course of action?  Taking an even bigger step back, so your ex can miss you even more.

If you’ve been trying to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, you may have been walking the wrong path.  The closer you keep to this person, the further you are from reconciliation.  Only by creating some distance and space between the two of you can you start making your ex want you back.  Not taking a few of their phone calls and not answering a couple of their text-messages can go a long way toward turning the tables and putting the ball in your court for once.

About the Author

There are 8 Individual Steps that will help Get Back Your Ex Girlfriend… or in the case of an ex boyfriend, check out the step by step process at How To Get Your Boyfriend Back. When your ex still calls you it’s time to interpret those mixed signals before making your move.


(ArticlesBase SC #3385337)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Why Does My Ex Still Call Me?

I think I may post this one in my home.  It is so very, very true.

“Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”. – Leo Buscaglia

Famous Love Quotes

By: David

Famous Love Quotes

Love is like flower which blooms at least once in everybody’s life, this is the time when one feels on the seventh heaven and ninth cloud. When you fall in love it is very obvious you would like to express or pour your heart out for the one who rules your heart. The famous love quotes express the deepest feeling which mere words cannot do it. These can be added in your love letters, can be send as text message through your cell phone and will strike the arrow of cupid to the one whom you are madly in love with.

Love is such an expression which has no restriction of age. Anybody can express their love either a teenager to his girlfriend or an eighty year old man to his wife. One person in love can understand another person’s feeling and the emotions he is going through and these emotions give birth to love quotes and speak volume of about those who are enjoying this bliss. A lot is written about different subject like life, happiness, sorrows, death, vices and virtues but what remains favorite is the subject love.

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet “is a famous love quote by Plato it is very true as and when the person falls in love all his feelings come out in the form of poem. Love quotes can be in any language but the feeling remains the same. It is not easy to define love but these quotes describe every mood of it. It is very true when Henry Ward Beecher says, “I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love”. Like the image of god you worship your love,

Some quotes are elaborate and have the complete essence of the expression of love. Like Houssaye says “tell me whom you love and I will tell you who are you” the person to whom you love show the kind of person you are. “Love is like a mustard seed; planted by God and watered by men.” This quote depicts the intense feeling and his involvement in love and maturity to understand this feeling. While some quotes are very zesty and striking. “I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

It doesn’t matter if you are newly fallen in love or bask in the glory and passion of love you can include such quotes either in your e-card or valentine cards and cherish your love. There are some quotes with the tinge of humors, which gives an opportunity for both the lover and the beloved to smile and brings joy and fun in your relationship. “I married the first man I ever kissed. “When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.” – Barbara Bush. “We don’t believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.” – Marie E. Eschenbach, the humor in the quote will the romantic and humor side like the one in “Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein You can send these quotes along with beautiful red rosés to express the most beautiful expression , that is “LOVE”

About the Author

Looking for more information on Famous Love Quotes check out www.FAMOUS-LOVE-QUOTES.NET your guide to Famous Love Quotes.

(ArticlesBase SC #251178)

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Have you ever written a heartbroken poem after going through a depressing breakup or separation?  Maybe you wrote one after suffering the loss of a pet or family member, or after experiencing the sadness of moving away from friends and/or loved ones.  It does appear that there is no greater muse for a heartbroken poem as the sadness from loss of love.

Reflection through poetry is an excellent way to express yourself.  There are no hard, fast and set rules for writing unless you’re trying to get your poems published.  Just let your mind and words flow in whatever style you please.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.  There is no need to worry with the “techno babble” of rhyme, meter or even free verse.  You don’t even need to know how a good poem should look or sound.  Who cares how good or bad it is?  Most likely another soul will never even see it.

You can be eloquent or write in slang, but don’t force yourself to try to use the old romantic language of centuries past.  Just be yourself and write the poem in your own style, even throwing breaks in all willy-nilly if you please.  Heck, you don’t even have to put in any line breaks; just make it one long paragraph if that’s what pleases you.  Just get all your feelings and whatever else you want to express out on paper.

Your heartbroken poem is for your benefit alone.  Writing poetry is a wonderful way to deal with the emotional turmoil you feel after suffering the loss of love.  It helps you get out and sort your feelings through a positive channel so that you can be set on the path to healing.  Just write down what you feel, whether it be good, bad, ugly, right, or wrong.  It doesn’t matter.  You are doing this to help you.

After the first one is complete, you might feel inspired to write more heartbroken poems about all the different aspects of the pain you’re in.  If so, that’s great.  The more feelings you get out, the more you can analyze them and place them in the proper context and concept; another important step in the healing process.

The time you spend writing your heartbroken poetry will probably be very emotional.  Don’t try to force the emotions to stop, just let them flow, whether they be feelings of anger or hurt, let them out so you can move past it.

At a later time, if you are just super impressed with your work and would like to show your friends and family the poetry, feel free to do so.  Some people want to share their poetry, but not with anyone they know, and if you fall into this category you can just throw it up online somewhere under a pen name.  There are many websites with this type of purpose; a quick search should bring up plenty.  Some sites will even allow you to receive critiques of your work if that is what you would like.  However, it is not necessary.  You can simply thrive on the fact that you were able to share your experience and heartbroken poem with others who may be going through a similar experience.

If you want to know how to get over someone you love, you must realize that none of the answers are easy ones. No matter how ready you might think you are to move on and get over that person, that you have to ask how to do it at all shows that it’s going to be a painful process.  Sometimes it’s a slow process, too.  You might think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again.  That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years.  Maybe even for the rest of your life.  But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss.  It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is new, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out.  It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do.  But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain.  You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible.  Photographs of them can be put away for a while.  Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed.  You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while.  This tip can be found in pretty much every list that explains how to get over someone you love, so it’s at least a popular idea that’s worth a try.

If you’re really having trouble living your life after the break-up, it might be necessary to seek counseling.  Simply explain that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counselor how to get over someone you love.  They can offer helpful advice, and can be more specific that generic lists about how to get over someone you love.  A counselor can also probably offer better advice than friends or family.

Your friends and family might feel they know your situation too well.  Some may have motives for help you get over the person.  They might not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they might want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly.  With a counselor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

Feel free to go to counseling for as long as you need to.  If the counselor feels you’re spending too much time dwelling on how to get over someone you love, they’ll tell you.

Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don’t dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you’re going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don’t blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with break up pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with break up pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

“its a quarter after one… and i need you now..”