If your marriage is on the rocks, or headed in that general direction, you and your spouse may want to consider Christian marriage counseling.  This can help both of you find healthy ways to make changes and heal the relationship, but it is not a guarantee.

Christian marriage counseling, just like any other type of marriage counseling is only as effective as each partner is willing to allow it to be.

It is fairly common that one party will be more reluctant to participate in counseling than the other.  In order for change to really take hold it must be undertaken by both.

It’s a sad truth that it only takes one person to ruin a marriage but it takes two people to fix it.  If your spouse is unwilling to get counseling that does not mean you shouldn’t try to go on your own.

While the odds are not in your favor for saving the relationship unless your spouse is an active participant in the process, you may be able to learn some skills that will help.

The longer you and your spouse wait to get help, the longer it will take to resolve the issues in most cases.

This is because whatever problems the two of you have have been going on for some time and there are probably a lot of old wounds and scars that have made both of you bitter.

To really fix the relationship you need to get to the heart of the matter and address that.  Working your way through all that old “scar tissue” will take time.

If it seems like I am painting a rather dismal picture, please don’t get discouraged.  You and your partner can fix your marriage but these are the realities you must face.

In my opinion the surest way to failure is to have unrealistic expectations.  If you expect the process to be fast and easy you will surely be disappointed when it becomes clear that it won’t be either fast or easy.

At that point you might just give up hope altogether.  But, if you go into the process knowing that it will be challenging and will most likely take time you are less likely to get discouraged and give up right away.

One of the first things each of you will need to learn how to do (and yes, it is a learned behavior) is to forgive not just your spouse for their part in the problem, but to acknowledge your part and forgive yourself too.

Most of us are pretty good at casting blame but, for most of us, deep in our hearts we also know when we are at fault too. Sometimes that knowledge can lead to a lot of guilt.

That is compounded when we become too afraid to face our own guilt.  At that point we tend to push it down so far we virtually forget that we are at fault too!  It quickly becomes a very destructive cycle.

Learning to change that, and other destructive cycles in our life, is one of the possible outcomes of Christian marriage counseling.  You can improve not just your marriage but yourself and subsequently all relationships in your life

Marriage Counseling

I was watching t.v. the other day and stumbled across a news show that was doing a segment on marriage counseling. I listened for a few minutes and found myself agreeing with most of what was being said.

The person being interviewed was talking about the various ways marriage counseling has changed over the years… for the most part those changes are for the better.

In many ways, the changes have made it more “acceptable” to go to counseling. There is no longer a stigma associated (or at least not as much of one as in the past) with getting counseling.

Today’s counseling is more of an interactive process that may not take years to complete. In the past, the process was largely just a take… the patient would talk to the therapist and the therapist might interject a comment here or there but for the most part remained silent and just let the patient “vent”.

Today, it is more common for the therapist to offer some tools that the couple can use to help improve their life together. Theory will only take you so far, you need specific things to do to make any real changes in a relationship.

One of the places that almost always needs work in a troubled relationship is the communication, or lack thereof, between spouses.

I don’t spend much time watching “reality” t.v. since it is (hopefully) far removed from reality. But recently I did catch a little bit of a show and I have to tell you that if what I saw portrayed was even close to the real way the people in that family actually interacted with each other… wow.

It was completely pathetic. No one knew how to accurately express their feelings in a healthy way. There was guilt, blame and recriminations but precious little in the way of responsibility or acceptance.

I think many couples “communicate” in that type of destructive fashion too. That has to be the first place to start if you want real, long lasting improvement in your marriage and all your relationships.

It can be hard to put away your anger and your own guilt, but you must. These things will get in the way of anything constructive you want to accomplish.

Whether you realize it or not, every time you say anything all that anger and frustration and guilt will come pouring out of you.

It might be your choice of words, it may be your tone or your body language but whatever form(s) it takes, your partner will pick up on it and respond in the same way.

It’s not hard to see that at that point nothing will be accomplished and the simplest conversation can devolve into a screaming match.

Keep these things in mind when you are trying to improve your marriage. Most couples can greatly benefit from a counselor to help guide them to a better way of interacting. It will take time and practice to make the changes permanent.

And remember too, not all marriage counseling is created equal. Some counselors are better than others. Don’t worry about what your friends said about a certain counselor or how many diplomas they have on their wall, if you don’t feel comfortable with them keep looking.

When God created Eve from Adam’s ribs, the very first marriage of human beings was made. The Bible places such importance to marriages and it defines a marriage as a blessed union with camaraderie and closeness. In its chapters, it tells what both the husband and the wife must do to have a lasting marriage. Husbands must love, protect and respect their wives. They should also be pleasant and tender towards their women and must be willing to forego their own interests for their mate. Wives on the other hand must surrender (in a loving, not slave-driver way) to their husbands and must be spiritual and kind by nature. In Christian marriage counseling, these are the commandments that are always pointed out.

Every year, there is a significant number of married couples getting divorced. It is learned that almost 45% of spouses legally part ways. Research also states that those who do not go to church divorce at a rate higher than those who do go. Couples who are spiritually committed to sincerely serving God usually have longer-lasting, successful marriages.

However unfortunate it is, that isn’t ALWAYS the case.  There are marital unions that do end in divorce because of issues and concerns that have not been thoroughly accepted and/or discussed between the couple. Emotions such as pride, frustration and selfishness make the act of forgiving a hard thing to do. For couples who are having difficulties with this, Christian marriage counseling could be a great opportunity to take advantage of.

Christian marriage counseling helps people understand themselves, their purpose in life and the presence and need for God. It imparts that marriage is a sacred union created and required by God and that Satan is out there to destroy this holy union due to his famous disobedience to God’s orders.

Counselors who offer Christian marriage counseling services state that time is of the essence in a marriage. It is preferable and easier to save a marriage when problems are dealt with at an early stage. Otherwise, the longer things are allowed to stew, the larger they become and the foundation walls begin to crumble, little by little until nothing is left at all. These issues sprout due to resentment, the absence of communication or closeness, and pride. Pride is a destroyer and as the Bible tells us, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

Christian marriage counseling takes people back to their initial goals in life. People who get married always dream of ending up old together. Because of external factors in their lives, they tend to forget their original dreams and instead focus on the complexities of the present.  This type of counseling will teach couples to base their relationship in God’s words and will remind them that God is omniscient, ever-caring, and merciful. All He wants is for married couples to stay together until death.

Statistics show that as of December 2009, for a population of 1000 in the United States, 3.4 married couples end in divorce. Although alarming, it is relieving to learn that divorce cases have lessened because in 2008 and 2007, the rate was 3.5 and 3.6 respectively. The cause of the divorce usually stems from unresolved bitter experiences in the past. These sad experiences have piled up and exploded all at once, making the couple unforgiving. Their inability to pardon results in abhorrence and this hatred causes them to become strangers. Because they become foreign to one another, communication becomes impossible and the origin of the problem is unacknowledged and not discussed amicably. Couples who want to make the marriage work however, may resort to couples therapy or possibly even go all the way by participating in Christian marriage retreats.

Christian marriage retreats are for those couples who acknowledge and accept that their marriage is teetering on the brink of failure and are willing to do anything to solve the problem. The couple goes to a retreat house, usually out of town, and stays for approximately 3 to 5 days to get spiritual and psychotherapy counseling. Here, the issues are identified and thoroughly discussed and eventually, spiritual guidance comes in. The word of God is the final advice and almost always, the Word of God prevails.

Christian marriage retreats generally offer a few different package options so the couple can choose an atmosphere in which they are most comfortable. There are small group retreats where the number of participants are limited to a maximum of three couples. These programs have a specified time frame of around 3 to 5 days and couples learn from others’ experiences. For those who do not want to share their problems with other people and prefer real privacy, there are retreats designed to work one-on-one with a couple.  This is a special case with a special (read higher) price, also. Partners are given all the time and liberty to speak and share his and her thoughts. Usually this exclusive private counseling is taken advantage of by high-profiled persons such as politicians, celebrities and the like.

The benefits of a successful marriage are priceless. Though these retreats come with a price tag, money should never be a hindrance in keeping the family intact. Marital unions are a commitment to God for them to be together, in sickness and in health, through thick and thin until death. With the Supreme Being in their lives, married people will have a healthy marriage. They have to submit to the will of God which is to have a harmonious relationship with others and they must base their union not in lies but in the truth.

More than 90% of the couples who join these Christian marriage retreats come out with resolved issues and their marriage intact and stronger. They have become more committed, wiser and happier individuals with the goal of sticking together until the end. Even problems of infidelity are resolved and forgiven and the couple moves closer to having the kind of marriage they have always dreamed of and looked forward to.

Marriage counseling retreats help troubled married couples in their quest to make their partnership work. These retreats are usually conducted for a period of 3 to 5 days where only the couple and therapist are present to talk about the failing marriage. Problems are dissected and analyzed and in the end, it is the therapist’s goal to resolve these issues with the couple. The couple has to be open to the idea of counseling and must be participative and honest in the discussions. They have to be willing to talk things out and learn to accept all the faults and mistakes that would be laid out in the open.

One of the issues behind a rocky union is infidelity. It causes depression, pain, panic, confusion, distrust, and low self-esteem. In marriage counseling retreats, the therapist will guide the couples to let out these pent-up emotions, accept them, and eventually, move on from them. A program of action is designed for the couple to follow so as to heal completely  and happily face the future together.

Marriage counseling retreats are more effective than the usual weekly or monthly psychotherapy counseling because it involves a longer time and commitment of the counselor. The therapy is more intensive and structured, thus the root of the issues behind a failing marriage is extracted and deeply analyzed until the couple gets a thorough comprehension of these issues. Understanding the cause of the problem will allow acceptance and an action plan of change.

Unbelievably these marriage counseling retreats can repair badly-damaged unions and rekindle the love that was lost. It is not only the marriage that is being dissected but the individual personalities are analyzed so that both partners will understand their own selves more. It is not only a journey to reconciliation but also a journey to finding one’s true self. It is not only about developing the couple as partners but it is also about nurturing each other’s own identities.

On the internet there are websites of marriage counseling retreats that are desperate to solve marital problems of couples. These websites have their very own marriage counselors and therapists who are willing to make spouses patch-up. People can choose from the different package rates offered. Usually these retreats are held in serene and quiet places to help establish an inner peace upon arrival. It is up to the couple if they prefer the small group counseling where one or more couples join them or the private counseling where they are alone with their own therapist.

The foundations of a marriage are most of the times threatened by external factors. Pride, infidelity, work, children, household concerns and even friends can add to the stress a married couple experience. Both partners have to be willing to make the marriage work on their own so as not to involve other people. But if they feel they cannot resolve it alone, they must make sure they see a skilled person to help them patch up. In this case a marriage counselor is the best person to be with.

A perfect relationship does not exist. All relationships undergo troubles or conflicts for it involves two different individuals with their own problems, moods, desires and needs. These two also have their own experiences and issues from the past that have shaped them into the persons that they are at present. So when all these issues, conflicts, individual concerns, and differences sprout and clash together, both parties are bound to get hurt and frustrated with one another. Such frustration sprouts from a shattered fantasy of the ideal partner and relationship. Fantasies are gone and realization sinks in. It is actually up to the couple if they want to resolve their issues or they simply go their separate ways. But for those who want to stick together through thick and thin, it would be advisable for them to undergo couples psychotherapy.

“Psychotherapy” comes from the Greek words “psyche” that connotes the spirit or soul, and “therapeia” which means to cure. Psychotherapy therefore is a way of curing the spirit or soul when it has problems.  Psychological, emotional, mental and behavioral problems such as trauma, stress, depression, addictions, and marital and family disputes can be addressed and resolved through psychotherapy administered by a counselor, therapist or shrink. The latter talks to the patient and engages him in a conversation so that the patient would be able to open up about his past and present troubles. Through the conversation, the counselor hopes to give advice to the patient on how to resolve these problems and make the patient feel better than before.

With couples psychotherapy, a trip down memory lane is essential. The individual histories of both partners as well as the history of the relationship will be revisited and reviewed. Through this, the couple would be able to understand each other’s point of view and where he or she is coming from. The root of the marital problem will be dissected and discussed and from there, it is the goal of the therapist to make each partner be aware of the issues and to accept their faults. The aim is to understand, accept, forgive, forget and hopefully start anew. It is not the therapist who shall decide if the couple should stick it out or not. It is still the couple who will come to an agreement. They should be willing to accept that there is a problem and solutions can be arrived at.  The psychotherapist must also have the necessary skills to make the couple open up and be eager to tell their own sides of the story.

It is not the aim of couples psychotherapy to separate a couple. It is there not to judge, but to guide them to be considerate, tolerant and accepting persons and hopefully better partners and parents.  Couples psychotherapy will make both partners stronger in their emotions, faith, trust and viewpoint in life. There is no perfect relationship as has been said. But what makes a relationship ideal is when the couple strives hard to make things perfect.

Imago Relationship Therapy is a type of marriage counseling that attempts to help a person understand where their subconscious mind played a great role in choosing their partner.  From there, they move on to using this new found perception to resolve the conflicts in their relationship and have the loving, fulfilling marriage they have dreamed of.  The article below gives a little history of Imago relationship therapy and it’s author, Harville Hendrix.

Harville Hendrix And Imago Relationship Therapy

Author: A Stratton

Perhaps best known to the general community for his appearances on Oprah, Harville Hendrix is a notable and respected member of the therapeutic community. The good doctor has given his career’s work to studying marriage and relationships, striving to learn what aspects of relationship therapy can be improved upon to set up couples to succeed long term. His experience in both the field of relationships and the field of psychology is vast, having spent over 35 years in various roles, including counselor, educator, and lecturer.

Harville Hendrix received his education from Mercer University and he has a degree in theology and degrees in both religion and psychology from the University of Chicago Divinity School. Much of his popular fame came when he published bestselling books on the subject of relationships and marriage. These books, including Getting the Love you Want and Keeping the Love You Find, have helped millions of people move beyond traditional methods of working through problem relationships.

They say behind any successful man stands a successful woman, and the story of Harville Hendrix is no exception to that rule. With his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, he has created what may be his primary contribution to the science of marriage and relationship counseling. Known as Imago Relationship Therapy, the program explores the concepts of conscious marriage and parenting. Since its inception, the program has been embraced by thousands of therapists around the world.

Hendrix believes that much of what drives the problems in relationships (as well as initial chemistry and attraction in the first place) is a hunger in people to find what they lacked in their upbringing. Few people had the luck to grow up in a perfect household. Everyone has some issues with their original caretakers, even if they don’t know it at the conscious level. Many times, individuals seek out potential partners who can give them what their parents failed to. Whether that be support, love, affection, or what have you, it becomes incumbent on the other party to fill that void. Many times, when a relationship fails, it is because one partner is trying to work out their baggage with their husband or wife, who is completely unaware that this dynamic is taking place.

Through his books, seminars, and appearances on television, Harville Hendrix has managed to share his relationship strategies with millions of couples and therapists around the world. His contributions to the science are to be honored and appreciated and there can be no doubt that anyone can learn from his techniques.

Article Source: http://www.sooperarticles.com/relationship-articles/harville-hendrix-imago-relationship-therapy-266089.html

About Author:

Dr. Harville Hendrix has developed methods that have helped countless people worldwide. Learn more here: http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/.

At it’s core, a marriage enrichment retreat is basically a weekend getaway that allows a couple to leave behind the “distractions of life” and focus solely on the relationship and love shared between a husband and wife.  They tend to come in many shapes, forms, and sizes – offering a program for just about everyone.  The article below outlines a few of these.

Here’s one humorous story of how a retreat worked in an unexpected way:  http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/05/12/escape_from_marriage_retreat_hell.

Choosing a Marriage Retreat Options

Author: Seth Brownstein

Marriage retreats are a great way to enhance your marriage, get through a crisis, or get moving on long term problems. Most marriage retreats provide a way to step away from your daily routines and concentrate on your marriage. To do a retreat, you must first decide between the different retreat formats and options. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each kind of marriage retreat?

Religious

In religious retreats your marriage is understood within the context of religious beliefs about marriage. Most religious marriage retreats are run by clergy and are group format. They tend to be affordable and accessible.

These marriage retreats are at their best only when you both have very similar strongly held religious beliefs. Problems can occur if the needs of one or both partners conflict with the religious tenets. Another possible downside can be that while some retreat leaders are very skilled in marriage counseling, others are not.

Secular

These non-religious retreats are usually run by therapists, and may be group or individualized. The advantage here is that most of these therapists are trained, experienced marriage counselors who are supportive of marriage but incorporate a wide variety of participant needs and orientations.

There are disadvantages of course. Secular retreats are harder to find, frequently require travel, and are generally more expensive. Further, therapists vary in quality, theoretical approach, and personal style – and it can be tricky sorting this out.

Group

The advantages of group retreats include positive modeling, support offered by others and by their example, and a reduced sense of isolation for participants. Group experiences often help open new insights for participants. Group retreats also tend to be less expensive.

One of the main problems with group retreats is the time spent on group exercises or other couples’ concerns. Some of these may not apply to you or be helpful because groups are not focused on your unique needs or obstacles. Additionally, many people feel that their marriage problems are just too private to share openly in a group format.

Individualized

The central strength of these marriage retreats is the singular, concentrated focus on your problems and concerns. Other positives include enhanced privacy, comfort for reserved people, and in depth focus. The downside of individualized retreats is that they tend to be more costly, are harder to locate, and may require travel.

Choosing

To sum it up, if expense is an overriding concern, consider group format retreats first. If one or both of you are hesitant to share in a group, or if you just want the retreat to focus solely on your marriage, consider only the individualized marriage retreats. If you both share equal, strongly held religious beliefs, consider the religious retreats; but if you have differing religious beliefs, or differing intensity of belief, focus in the secular direction.

Whichever options you choose, spend time interviewing the therapist or leader to assess whether you are comfortable with their style, skills, and approach. Ask plenty of questions and make sure you’re both comfortable with the answers. The skill of the therapist or leader, and your comfort with them, are the most important factors.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/choosing-a-marriage-retreat-options-499704.html

About the Author

New Page 1 Seth Brownstein, MA, Licensed Psychologist-Master – MaryAnn Bock, MS, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Together, they operate Associates in Couples Counseling in Burlington, VT, specializing in marriage counseling and personalized marriage retreats. http://associatesincouplescounseling.com

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.