Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don’t dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you’re going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don’t blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with break up pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with break up pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

“its a quarter after one… and i need you now..”

If you truly want to get back together with your ex, you have to do a bit of soul searching. You must be totally honest with yourself.  You have to decide if you and your ex get back together it will truly make you happy, and you won’t wind up down the same road that caused the breakup in the first place.  It’s always easy after a breakup to only think of the good times.  It’s important that you try to be completely objective and think of both the good and bad times.

In reality, there are a few relationships that are unworthy of saving. If you and your ex spent more time fighting than you did doing something good and fun, then perhaps you should consider moving on. If they were physically or verbally abusive, it probably wasn’t a healthy relationship.  If they were mentally unstable, you probably are better off without them.  If the relationship overall was a good one, and they weren’t abusive, and they were of sound mind, the following should help you and your ex get back together.

Pestering and pushing your ex isn’t a good idea.  If you try to constantly get in touch with your ex; whether its by phone, email, text message, or stalking them you’re going to do more harm than good.  They will see this as a sign of desperation.  This could actually push them further away than bring them closer to you.

Don’t argue, beg, or plead with your ex about your past relationship. It’s easy when you and your mind are all alone.  Your mind manifests all sorts of “wrongs” that you may have done.  Even when your ex broke up with you they may have gave you reasons why.  Now, you’re probably beating yourself up over them.  You probably wish you had never done those things.  The past is the past.  This is the present.

If you get it in your mind that the relationship is currently over.  You can’t go back in time, though you probably wish you could.  Concentrate on what is going on now.  The only thing worse than obsessively contacting your ex is to beg or plead with them.  Make promises how you’ll change, etc…This won’t help you and your ex get back together at all.

If you back off, give them some time, and live your life, you’ll be doing yourself a big favor in more ways than one.  You’ll probably become more desirable to your ex, because you’re allowing them to think about you and miss you.  You’ll also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life too.

Video Kellie Pickler -Didn’t You Know How Much I Love You

Merriam-Webster defines trust as: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Oftentimes, when we fall in love, it can be because we feel that we can fully trust the other person. However, once that trust has been broken and/or taken for granted it can be quite hard to let that wall back down. Here’s a short list of substantial elements used to build trust in a relationship.

Predictability

Now this doesn’t mean leave out the special little surprises of dinner out or a small gift – but be reliable. Your character should be worn “on your sleeve.”

Belief in Your Partner

If s/he is really that stupid would you have fallen in love with this person?

Honesty

Secrets will destroy any stone set to build trust in a relationship every time.

Forthcoming

Don’t be afraid to make your needs and/or wishes known. If you keep your partner guessing, they might not figure it out and then you’ll be frustrated.

Learn to Say No

Try to accommodate your partner’s needs as well, but if some things just can’t be done, say so.

Grow

Do not be afraid of hurts that may or may not occur. Every relationship has its ups and downs and the down times make the up that much sweeter. Just learn from the hurts and/or mistakes and keep getting closer.

Jim works long hours and Elizabeth doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Elizabeth spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs.  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  The answer to these questions is yes and here’s how to save a relationship.

COMMITMENT

First, the both of you must decide that the relationship is worth saving.  While most every relationship can be saved with a little hard work, there isn’t much that can be done if one or the other has decided that it’s not worth it.  Many will choose to stay in a relationship because of convenience or children, but this isn’t enough.  The first step in how to save a relationship starts with commitment from both individuals that the relationship is worth saving.

IDENTIFY PROBLEMS

Secondly, you need to identify the problem(s) in the relationship.  Now, this isn’t a time to play the blame-game.  This is a time to sincerely and respectfully discuss what each of you view are the problems.  Remember there are three sides to every story:  your side, their side, and the truth.

One of the biggest problems in trying to figure out how to save a relationship is that many believe the symptoms of the problem are the problems themselves.  For instance, some believe an affair is a problem that causes a breakup, when  in truth, the affair is usually a symptom of something deeper, such as a lack of true intimacy.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the relationship.  You might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of guilt, but If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you begin dealing with the core issues, rather than the symptoms, it is possible to save a relationship.  Once these core issues have been identified, you can begin sharing thoughts on the matter.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.

Hold your partner’s hand while you are talking about your problems.  This will serve as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you, remember that he or she is not doing it because they want to hurt you, rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

ACTION PLAN

Now that the two of you have determined what the problems are in the relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each week.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another; then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Today I just want to leave you with a quick video from T “Dub” Jackson.  He is the author of The Magic of Making Up system.  In this video he answers questions from others who are wondering “How do I get my ex back?”

After breaking up with someone you love, there are a lot of painful emotions:  sadness, depression, and simply just missing that special someone.  “What should I do to get my ex back?” becomes a question you constantly ask yourself.

There are many websites, books, blogs, forums and even courses designed to answer that question, but a little common sense and courtesy can really make a difference and go a long way towards healing your relationship.  If you’re preoccupied with your lost relationship and wondering “what should I do to get my ex back?” then following this simple advice could be the best chance of getting back together.

DON’T PLAY GAMES

This is very important, but unfortunately many people resort to this during breakups because it gives them a sense of power.  If you can make the other person think that you don’t care, or you care more than you really do, you’re manipulating them and that can feel great, but not for long.  Eventually you’ll realize that lying and tricking the other person is nothing more than child’s play and anything good that happens because of it will always be sullied because of the lie.

Some people play games where they pretend to be dating or in love with someone else.  While this ploy to make your ex jealous may work for a short time, it generally backfires and ensures the breakup is permanent.  Your ex could be so jealous at the thought of you being with someone else that they want you back or they may decide that since you moved on so quickly you didn’t really care about them anyway and you’re not worth the effort.  You have no way of knowing which way this ploy will work until it’s too late.

DON’T BE MEAN

This holds true in any situation or relationship, but sometimes the anger and hurt we feel after a breakup can cause us to be more cruel than we normally would.  Even if you’re hurt, the fact that you want to know, ‘What should I do to get my ex back?” shows that you’re ready to forgive that person, but if you have been nasty to your ex, he/she may not be so quick to forgive you.

CONSIDER YOUR ACTIONS

Now, think about your own behavior.  If you were your ex, would you look forward to spending time or talking with you?  Or would you dread those moments?  Do you shout and nag?  Even if you feel like raising all kinds of arguments, simply don’t.  Work very hard at controlling your anger and hurt, and being a person they can miss.

SUMMARY

“What should I do to get my ex back?”

Be on your best behavior and allow your ex to remember what drew them to you in the first place.  They’ll remember your good points and begin to miss them.

These are just the beginning steps in winning your ex back.  If you are at that place where you have no idea what to do or where to turn, let me point you towards “The Magic of Making Up System.”  T ‘Dub’ Jackson has authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan that has worked like magic for over 6,000 couples.  He can guide you and give you the most complete advice that you need at this time in your life.

While difficult to do, relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way when you’re asking, “How can I get my ex back?”  Although a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend can leave you feeling depressed, confused or lonely, it doesn’t have to mean the relationship is over.  If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting your ex back will be easier than ever.

Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can help:

Keep Your Confidence – If you are asking “how can I get my ex back?”, then don’t mope around.  You don’t want to give off an air of “doom and gloom.”  Try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy.  Let your ex see that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation and surviving on your own as well.

Remain Socially Active – If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well-wishers, positive attitudes and good friends.  Show your ex that people appreciate you and love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light.  He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person and they simply cannot afford to let go.  This is one of the best ways to get your ex to see you in a different light.

Maintain a Good Appearance – Another solution to “How can I get my ex back?” is to not let your appearance reflect your situation.  Pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, hair, stride, shoes and even your voice.  It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy.  You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.

Tonight I was working on an article about getting back with your ex and having a confident attitude, which will help your ex see you “in a different light” and it brought to mind this song.  I hope you enjoy it.